fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
