We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
