why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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