hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Text me some of your sweat
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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