I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
