i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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