Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
