but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
