i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
