How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize