Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
