You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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