just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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