You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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