I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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