I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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