Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
