party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
