Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
