and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
