at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
As shirtless as possible
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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