i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
