If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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