my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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