census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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