Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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