last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
