I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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