you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
