Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
two words: eviction party
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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