I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
