Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
