i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
