I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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