Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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