cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
