That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
