I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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