Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
