Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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