The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
