yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
