Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
