Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
