dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
