DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
did i just pee glitter
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
