Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
