yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
