Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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