Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
