I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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