My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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