How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
