Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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