He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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