ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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