I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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