if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Barsexuality is the new black.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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