You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
