i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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