So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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