come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
