I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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