so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
