We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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