Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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