If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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