Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
