This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
