If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
