Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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