My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
