Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
