Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Randomize
