Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
