it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
