i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.