shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
