the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My brain says no but my pants say off.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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