broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
