That's when you crack a 10am beer
Operation Purity has been aborted
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
