this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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