i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
