I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
